To Love A Bloated Toad
by lonely fish in da fish bowl
Summary: I guess it all started when I fell on him.Oh,believe me,it wasn’t like one of those graceful movie falls where the character's hair stays perfect and ends up falling in love with the macho,sexy man that she fell oh so softly on.Nope,far far from it.
1. The Perfect Landing

Chapter One: ** The Perfect Landing. **

**NOTICE: Don't own any thing of J.K.R. except for the characters I made up…and I own the plot, 'course. Kinda contradicts the actual Harry Potter book. **

**Happy Reading!**

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I guess it all started when I fell on him.

Oh, believe me, it wasn't like one of those graceful movie falls where the character's hair stays perfect and ends up falling in love with the macho, sexy man that she fell oh so softly on. Nope, it was far from that. I don't think I will ever live down the fact that I squashed James Potter. All thanks to Black's rotten banana peel. So naturally, when I set my foot on the disgusting thing, I slipped like any klutzy 16 years old would.

When the gravity started to pull me down and my arms were flopping like a seagull, I'm also pretty sure that I had let out somewhat of a grunt that sounded like a pig in a bacon factory. Maybe if I had let out a gasp or a high feminine scream, it wouldn't have been that bad. But I grunted.

Joy…

After I fell on Potter, whom, may I add screamed like a girl, my arms were sprawled on top of him like an eagle that got ran over by a fire tuck. Legs were just everywhere and so was my delightful, extra bushy, copper red, yarn like thing called hair. And I'm pretty sure passer bys saw the green and red knickers that I got from my Grandma last Christmas.

Oh yes, I had also called Potter a bombastic bastard later and offended the most popular and widely known trickster in all of Hogwarts.

Might I have just committed social suicide? There is a great possibility…

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I guess it all started when she fell on me. The whole incident was just magical. It should have been into a motion picture. I would have been amazing playing the leading role. Yes, I will always remember the time Lily Evans crashed into my embrace.

It was entirely Sirius's fault that the girl fell on me. He was eating a banana and wasn't environmentally concerned enough to throw the peel into the trash bin five paces away.

I will have to remind myself to thank him later.

When she tripped, I remember her giving a little gasp and falling so gently like an autumn leaf, her glorious red hair flying behind her… Her bright green eyes that fluttered closed when I caught her in my arms… Without a sound we fell to the ground with her dress hiked up to her smooth, creamy thighs…

…

I think that was also when we fell in love. Well, I fell in love…but I'm pretty sure Evans did too but was just in denial.

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The bushy red head struggled to untangle herself from the boy with the jet-black hair. Right on the bat, the girl realized what an awkward situation it's going to be. The boy only made it worse by groaning like a survivor of a mass bombing. Who's fault was it to blame? She only tripped.

"Ger-uff." The boy managed to choke out through the mass amount of hair that had some how gotten into his mouth. "Ger-uff-dam-it!"

"I'm trying to! You know it doesn't help with the fact that you are chewing on my bloody hair." The girl called out heatedly. She couldn't believe how rude he was. She didn't mean to crush him, besides she was skin and bones. How heavy could that be?

The boy groaned again. This was only because the girl's knee was sticking unpleasantly near his groin. Instantly, he shoved her off of him. He will regret that few days later.

It was only a matter of time that the friends of the two decided to help. A girl with long blonde hair bent over to help the girl and a boy with extremely dark handsome features bent down to help the boy.

People passing by giggled and walked around the mess created by the two.

"You all right, James? Did the girl smush the pulp out of ya?" Sirius Black asked the boy gruffly, his eyes laughing, and patted some invisible dirt of his friend's shoulders.

"Nearly." James Potter mumbled and turned to watch the pretty blonde pull her friend up only to have the girl fall again.

"Are you ok? Anything hurt Lily?" the blonde asked gently, her face troubled.

"I'm good…I think…" Lily Evans said and bent to pick up the scattered books on the ground.

"Of course she's fine! The woman used me as a cushion! I'm the one that's hurt." James snapped angrily at the girls. He was expecting them to apologize soon. But fierce green eyes met his angry blue ones.

"It was an accident!" she snapped back sounding even angrier than James. "If I had a choice, you would be the last person I'd choose to land on!"

James Potter gasped and Sirius gaped with awe at the bushy red head. Obviously, the girl didn't know who the man she had offended was.

"Well!" James simply said. He was never in a situation like this before with a girl. Normally, they would have all just flocked to him and tell him how wonderful he was. This girl was doing the exact opposite. "I will accept that as an apology."

"I didn't say I was sorry." The girl snapped again, her dark brows fuming together and eyes glowing dangerously.

The blonde girl tugged anxiously at her friend's sleeves. "Lily…"

"How dare you! You nearly crushed the life out of me! You're better sorry!"

"Ha! Who do you think you are, you bombastic bastard?" Lily exclaimed furiously. "And who am I to listen to you?"

"Why you…" James said crossly and was about to pounce on the girl. Sirius got a tight hold of his friend and pulled him back a couple of feet. The crowd around them became silent.

"Lily isn't it?" Sirius asked calmly, his eyes dancing with delight. "I suggest you lay low for awhile. Common James, we have better places to be than here."

"No! How dare she…Let me go Sirius, let me go!" James yelled out as his friend pulled him into a headlock. The dark boy dragged his angry friend down the corridor and disappeared behind the corner. Random swear words were still heard clearly through the halls.

Lily watched them walk away with disgust in her face. What a great way to start off a year, meet a jerk who thinks he is all high and mighty.

The crowd around them dispersed with much whispering and staring. Lily gathered up the remaining of her books and walked to class with her friend.

"Lily, you made a mistake by calling Potter a bastard." Her friend Allison said quietly.

"It's only James Potter, what can he do." Lily muttered angrily. "Stupid, egotistic prat…I am not that heavy…"

Allison only gave her one of her worried looks and walked on in silence.

Lily had never really talked to James Potter before. He was always in the popular crowd and she was the one in shadows who worried only about studying. She had heard of his Marauders gang and of their highly complex pranks, but she only thought them childish and immature. However, Lily did always had a small desire to be known by him, he was of course, extremely attractive and she was a teenager with over active hormones. Can you really blame her?

Now, for the first time that she had ever talked to him, he showed the side of him exactly like what Lily had predicated She wasn't sure she was very flattered by his handsome features and awesome Quidditch skills anymore.

And he had definitely ruined the first day of her 6th year.

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"_Who do you think you are, you bombastic bastard?"_

Those words rang loudly like bells in James Potter's head.

_Damn…stupid girl…doesn't know her position… _

_How dare she. _

James Potter just can't let her go. Those pricing green eyes…So bright. And the way her face frowned that made him feel like the biggest jerk in the word. And that voice. He just can't let it go. What had made her call him such a name? He did nothing to her. Why is she making him feel that way? There was not one girl who could refuse him and she did it without a blink of an eye.

She must have made him looked so stupid, telling him off in front of that crowd. Anger erupted inside him. _How dare she…_

The Gryffindor common's silence was interrupted by a roar from the boy with jet-black hair and round spectacles.

"WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS?"

Every one jumped except for the two boys sitting near him.

One of the boys sighed and shook his head sadly. "Let it go James, it's about time a girl told you off. You _are_ a bastard you know…"

"I know that! But she doesn't have any right to tell me that! Who does she think she is?" James retorted hotly.

"What happened now, Sirius?" The other boy asked curiously and looked up from his book

"A girl in the corridors cheeked James." Sirius Black answered with a chuckle. "Our little Prongs is just not used to that, Remus."

The sandy blonde haired boy gave a half smirk at the still fuming boy with the raven black hair and asked, "Who was it?"

"Some extremely ugly girl with acne all over her face. Big puffy hair and evil green eyes." James answered instantly.

"Her name was Lily…something…" Sirius added informally while he folded a paper airplane, his slender fingers working quickly around the paper edges.

"Lily Evans?" Remus Lupin asked with interest. "I'm surprised you think she's ugly...I find her rather attractive."

"You what?" James gasped out in surprise. "How do you know her?"

"Don't you think she's real pretty too Sirius?" Remus asked the longhaired boy with a grin on his face. He completely ignored James's last question.

"Oh yes, very." Sirus answered with an exaggerated sigh.

"Answer me! How do you know her?"

"The way her legs curve…"

"Her long fiery hair…"

"WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONS?"

With a loud crash, James had grabbed the sandy haired boy and knocked him out of his seat. Most of the people in the common room left quietly, deciding it's best to stay away from an angry James Potter for awhile.

Sirius and Remus, however, did not looked scared at all. The two boys on the floor looked at each other in silence for awhile and Sirius launched his paper airplane. It landed in James's unruly black hair. The boy pinned under him burst into laughter.

"Tell me Lupin!" James called angrily and brushed the airplane off of his head.

"Haha…heheehee, ok…ok, she's in all of our classes, you dim nut…hahaha, she's just too.hahaha, quiet…hahehe, for anyone to notice her. Snort. Hahaha"

James stood up with a confused look on his handsome face. "Really? How can I have not noticed her? I mean…look at her…" he muttered to himself.

"James, mate, your face is getting red." Sirius said with an amused grin.

"Wha-Did I ask you if my face was red or not?" James said hotly.

Sirius frowned and launched another plane that hit James between the eyes.

Remus sat up from the floor and picked up his book. "The only reason that you two haven't seen her before is because you barely show up for class and when you do, you're either snogging you brains out or playing pranks on people."

"Lily…Lily…Lily…Hily…Willy…Lily." James murmured, his eyes a bit unfocused. Sirius looked at Rebus and raised an eyebrow. The boy shrugged.

"Why are you getting all worked up over some silly girl James?" Sirius asked as he watched the tall lanky Gryffindor boy pace around the common room.

"Get Wormtail in here…I have plans." James said a few seconds later and smirked.

"What kind of plans is that my sweet, sweet boy." Sirius asked cautiously.

"LILY EVENS IS GOING DOWN!"

"It's EvANs" Remus Lupin corrected him with out looking out of the book. He was already starting to feel sorry for the quiet girl with the pretty green eyes. "Count me out of this…full moon's coming soon…"

In the far corner of the vast room, a girl with white blonde hair looked up worriedly at the three boys sitting near the fire. Her eyes lingered a bit on the tallest one with glasses and messy black hair and returned back to the books and parchments on her lap. She sighed inwardly and shook her head.

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**A/N**

**Heeeeeeeey! This is my first Lily and James fic. Hope yall likes. If it suxs, just tell me and if I get like 10 reviews saying that, then I will take it off. **

**THANKS FOR READIN AND REVIEW PUHLEASE! **

**Loves,**

**Lonely Fish.**

**P.S. If you guys likes Ginny/Draco fics, I have on too. Its Called Three Little Tasks. It's ok…But chapter one sucks…cuz I have bad grammer back then…still do…but I've improved. **


	2. Getting By With Little Expenses

Chapter Two: **Getting By With Little Expenses**

**NOTICE: Don't own any thing of J.K.R. except for the characters I made up…and I own the plot, 'course. Kinda contradicts the actual Harry Potter book. **

**Happy Reading!**

* * *

One thing I knew that the whole entire student population didn't about James Potter is that he is pure evil.

Oh suuuure, he's got the good, toned body, the sexy smile, the perfect sparkly teeth, the most distinguished facial features, misty ocean blue eyes, and that messy mid-night black hair that all the girls just want to run their hands through…

…

As I was saying, he's pure evil he is. Yep, pure evil…

Of course, things wouldn't have gone the way it did if the egotistic fool would just let the whole thing drop. But I was ready, my guard was up. I can tell when a plan is forming in his peanut sized brain. I am not going to let any gangster wannabes ruin my last two years of Hogswart…nope…

Stupid Potter…

* * *

Oh did I have plans. Plans that could drive the silly girl out of this school… plans that will scar her for life.

But James Potter does not flow that way. I definitely did not want to make her quit school. I didn't exactly know that I loved the girl until several weeks later, but I did know that I had a strange attraction towards her. Somehow I needed to calculate a scheme that would allow me to be near her.

Haha, and being the bright little sexy muffin that I am, I found a way to teach the girl a lesson. I was going to make Lily Evans fall for me and break her heart to pieces later. I was going to pluck every petal on the pure little lily that she is.

The first part of the plan wasn't…uh…very successful. So naturally the second part of the plan never came. But what did happen was that I found myself tumbling head over heels for her.

* * *

Lily Evans sat quietly in the way back corner of Charms Class. She stared out of the window dreamily. The sky was so beautiful. Random fluffy white clouds scattered around it and birds that soared with their wings open wide dotted the vast open space. Lily felt her hopes rising. Somehow she can just feel that her 6th year was going to be different. Something great is going to happen. She knew it.

Her daydreaming was interrupted with woops and screams that suddenly erupted from the class. She turned to the doorway to see James Potter, Remus Lupin, and Sirius Black stroll in like they owned the school. The cheering and clapping just made their gloating worse.

So he gets an award for not skipping class to day…whoopee… 

Lily immediately turned her head away, hoping that James had forgotten about the hall way incident. For a second there she really thought he was dim enough to forget, but when he was giving a hug to his Fan Club/Groupie's leader, his eyes directly locked unto Lily's and he gave her a sadistic smirk.

Lily felt her heart stop. His smile sent chills down her body. Just by looking at her, James had given her the message that she's dead meat.

So much for a promise of a good year… 

"Hi Lily." A voice said next to her. She turned to find Remus Lupin smiling down at her. To tell the truth, Lily had always had a crush on the shy sandy haired boy. He was tall and lanky and had the perfect smile to warm your heart. Why he hangs out with a red ass baboon called James Potter, she had no idea.

"Hello Lupin." She answered quietly, her eyes still on James, who was going down a line of girls waiting for him to kiss them.

"Mind if we sit next to you?" Sirius Black asked with a boyish grin and sat down on the other side of Lily. She frowned and raised her eyebrows at them. They only shrugged it off and turned away. Why were two of the most popular guys sitting next to her? She was merely a shadow in a crowd of students. She could not and would not give them anything.

James from the other side of the room seemed to have noticed his friends' behavior and frowned. Still, he did not sit with his friends, but instead, took a seat in the front of the class.

Sitting next to Remus and Sirius means two things. One, you're going to be surrounded by a bunch of annoying giggly girls, and two, the annoying giggly girls is going to hate you for being so close to the two boys. Either ways, it's Lily's loss and her desire to remain hidden is shattered.

Half way through charms class, she felt Remus put an arm around her. She looked up at him to find his eyes on the back of James's head with a sly grin on his face. Lily shrugged his arm off.

Three quarters of the class passed and Lily felt Sirius's hand sliding up her knee. Furious and confused at what they were playing at, Lily instantly grabbed hold of the boy's index finger and pulled back as far as it would go. Sirius gasped painfully and immediately pulled his hand back and told a laughing Lupin to shut up.

When the bell ranged Lily was extremely pleased to be able to get away from the two. What ever they were doing to her, it must have something to do with James Potter. Lily's current goal right now was to stay out of trouble but somehow it seems to always find her. Just as this thought ran across Lily's mind, something came flying through the halls and hit her upside the head. You would expect it to bounce off of her, but instead, it got tangled up in her messy red hair.

"Damn…who threw that?" Lily asked herself and looked around. She reached up and untangled the piece of parchment from her hair and was about to throw it away but noticed writings on it. She unraveled the paper and read:

_**James Potter and Lily Evens FOREVER. **_

Lily was disgusted beyond words can describe. Who in the right mind would write something as corny and idiotic like this? And the fool spelled her name wrong. It's Ev_ans_, not Ev_ens_.

This must be some stupid prank pulled by Potter. No wonder he was bent over a piece of paper all through the class. Took him that long to write something as shitty as this…pathetic, lumbering brute… what is he playing at?

She crumpled up the parchment and chucked it in a trash bin near by.

Just as Lily stepped into the Great hall in a fairly bad mood, James approached her with a sinister smile and a single blood red rose.

"Here, for you." He said as he held out the flower to her. Bewildered, Lily turned around to see if he was talking to someone else but found no one around her.

"Why are you giving me a bloody flower, Potter?" Lily asked with annoyance.

"Because it's something you do to someone that you like." James said with a wide grin. "Someone that you really like."

"Sod off Potter." Lily said, her face slightly red and walked to her usual seat at the Gryffindor table. "Don't try to pull your stupid little pranks on me. It will never work."

James followed her with the rose still in his hands and took a seat next to her.

"Look Evens, I really do like you. Ever since you fell on me…At least take the flower as my apology to you?" he said sheepishly, handing the rose to her.

Lily's face remained blank for a while but she smiled sweetly and took the rose from him. She examined it carefully as if she was really considering his feelings and giving in on his offer.

Finally she looked up at James's satisfied grin and chucked the flower abruptly in his face. The flower landed on his lap as James looked up at her, confused.

"It's EVANS you prat. Can't even get my name right and you expect me to believe you!" Lily said angrily and raised her wand. "Get back or I will jinx you Potter, I swear!"

" But I-" James started to say but Sirius Black walked by and pulled James into a headlock. He started to drag him away for the second time in the week while fighting James's fists thrashing in the air.

"No! I'm not done talking to her yet!"

"Sorry! My friend here isn't very good at confronting his feelings nor is he very good at memorizing." Sirius Black said cheerfully while continuing to drag James away to the other side of the table. "Hopefully you will give him another chance in the future! Until then, have a good lunch and call on us if you need anything! Farewell!"

Lily stared, not really sure about what just happened. Onlookers around the vestibule gazed at her and James Potter with disbelief. Lily knew what they were thinking. Why was James interested in her, A nobody muggle born?

She growled. The people instantly stopped staring and turned to each other and started whispering. Lily looked down on her plate, her mood even darker. She turned to catch a glimpse of what Potter and his friends were doing at the far end of the table. James looked a bit tempered but Remus and Sirius seemed to be in a very good mood.

Could what he said have been…true?

Of course not! Set your head straight! James Potter is after our soul not your heart! He is the enemy Lily, the enemy…

But that look on his face…

He didn't get you name right! EVENS he called you!

But Black said he has a memory problem…

What is wrong with you? Have you gone stupid?

I…I…Why am I arguing with myself?

Lily, in fact, wasn't feeling very well, a heavy perfume seemed to fill around her and she was getting a bit dizzy. Her internal conflict was disturbed when her friend Alison Silverbeads set her heavy bag on the dinning table and took a seat facing Lily.

"You alright?" Alison asked in her usual soft voice. "You're rather pink in the face Lily."

"Huh? Oh I'm fine, fine I am. Nothing wrong…" Lily mumbled and gave her friend a nervous laugh.

Her friend flipped a sheet of light blond hair from her face and smiled.

"Ok then…what ever you do Lily, stay away from Potter and his friends won't you?"

Lily frowned.

What does Alison know…? Did Potter tell her something?

"Why?" she asked her friend curiously.

"It's just a feeling I get…" Alison simply said and refused to follow the conversation any further.

* * *

"Why did you stop me?" James asked annoyedly as he watched Lily chat happily with her friend at the far end of the table.

"For your own good. You were embarrassing yourself." Sirius answered as he picked at the turkey sandwich in front of him.

"I was not, she was falling for me." James said hotly and folded his arms.

"You got her name wrong, you oaf." Remus said with an amused grin. "How do expect her to fall for you now?"

"She touched the flower…"James said with a smirk and twirled a golden fork in skillfully in his hands.

Sirius frowned. "It's a mere passion potion James, what do expect out of it?"

"Nothing more than passion of course." James answered. With a mischievous grin, he added, "I will do the rest."

* * *

For next few days, Lily tried hard to avoid James and his friends. As hard as she tried, there were still signs of James Potter everywhere she goes. Chocolate boxes that singings when you open them, roses that never wilts, and glossy golden cards that all read To Lily Evans, From James Potter, appeared everywhere she went. Lily would always give them away to the eyes of curious people watching her reactions without a word but enough is enough. Counting all the things that James Potter had sent her, she could have filled her dormitory room already.

Why is he spending so much for me? Where did he get all the money anyway knew his family's rich but who would spend so much money on a silly prank?

Perhaps it's not really a prank…perhaps he really…

NO! Absolutely not.

Again, a familiure scent filled Lily's nose. These smells have been following her around a lot lately. It has the aroma of heavy sweet spice and herbs. She would ask the people around her if they had smelled it too but only got odd looks for answers.

And perhaps I'm going mad…

* * *

For the next few weeks, James sent Lily flowers and chocolates on a regular bases. He was working a great deal transforming frogs and toadstools into decent looking chocolates and flowers while adding various charms on them to make them look flattering.

"She will find out eventually you know." Remus pointed out as he watched James trying to transform a depressing looking dandelion into a blooming rose.

They were outside during a Care of Magical Creatures lesson.

"I agree mate. That Lily is a bright one." Sirius said while shuffling a deck of cards.

"No she will not. It's called getting by with little expenses." James said and flicked his wand at the plant. "Transfio Pettilas"

The crumpled garden weed looked sadder than ever.

"Transifio Pettilas!" James chanted again but the flower remained the way nature made it to be. "Damn! What is wrong?" he growled annoyedly.

"It's Transfio Pettil-UH-s" Remus reminded James without looking up from his book.

"Oh…right…"

With another wave of his wand, the Dandelion glimmered for a second and changed into a lone pale rose in the boy's hand.

"Brilliant." James muttered.

He really didn't get this feeling he had whenever he saw the red head. Something in his mind is telling him that his prank is incredibly stupid and immature but something else keeps on nagging at him to do it. Something there just wont let him forget Lily Evans.

Sirius looked up from his cards and grinned. "Oh yes, brilliant indeed. But you do know it is a matter of time before it all just blow up in your face…" he said and threw the cards at James. "like this."

James punched him.

* * *

**Hey! Sorry for the long wait! I really didn't expect 10 reviews for only chapter one! Yay! Im so happy! Hopefully you guys will continue reading eh? **

**Love love **

**Lonely Fish. **


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